I sat at Rush University Medical Center today, in the same room, with the same machines, and the same nurses…  but it wasn’t for the same reasons this time.  Maybe some innocence is gone, maybe some hope too, but maybe it’s time for that.

He said, “Oh, I am so glad.  I was so worried”  Well, so was I.  Twice – two giant gaps, and time expands and contracts, and the lines get crossed, and the memories swirl together, lose their edges and blur into abstract pain.

It’s that time of the year.  An abundance of memories, holidays, family, tragedy.  The time of year for hope, for dreams, for marriage, for new life.  The time of year for cold, and alone, and mad men, and death.

So, tonight, maybe it’s time.  Maybe that is all it ever is, just time…  And maybe that is all I every really needed.

I was nervous.  I didn’t know if it was a good idea.  I wondered if there was an ulterior motive.  I was guarded.  I thought it over.  I Pro-ed and Con-ed it.  In both cases, these people had made me feel cherished.  They were very special people to me.  I had mourned the end of the relationships.  There was a lot of history.

But I also couldn’t say why I had lost these people.  Oh, I could name some reasons, but did any of them make sense?  Was a move, or a lost email really a reason to sever a deep relationship?  There must have been a reason.  It must have been a good reason at the time.  So, do I trust that reason?  Or do I move forward now with a sense of forgiveness and openness?

I thought it over some more.  I “Pro”-ed and “Con”-ed it some more.  So much time had passed.  Both of these people were in my life before I moved to Chicago.  Before In Memoriam, and all that meant.  Before THE BAD THING.  Before I got married.  Before DP.

Would they know who I was now?  Would there be anything we could relate around?  I have been shaped so much by these last few years.  Would I have anything to say?  Would they?

Then it hit me.  They have been living too.  Maybe they reached out because they didn’t know why the relationship faded.  Maybe in the intervening time, they found pain, laughter, and peace that changed them…  And, maybe, they wanted to share that with me.

So, then I reached back, and let the world take me where it would.

I won’t say how it turned out, except that it has tied up loose ends, and fixed a little whole in the universe for me.  It has made me remember where I came from, and why I ended up here.  And it has reminded me that everyone has a story.  And now, I am ready to hear it.

Thank you, Facebook for suggesting we reconnect.

So, I tweeted…

Hey Citibank-I didn’t cause your financial trouble, not gonna solve it. Screw you for raising rates. I have perfect credit & will go elsewhere.

Got this from @AskCiti…

@MiseryLovesCo Saw ur tweet, lks like ur upset re: change in terms. If it wud help, our cust. serv tm may have some options 4u 866-565-7030

I looked at the @AskCiti account.  It appeared to have been opened around October 17th, the same day I received the letter from Citibank.  Most of the tweets said the same thing.  But, I gave them the benefit of the doubt and waited until Monday to call customer service and see what the options might be.  I couldn’t believe that the letter was the end of the story.  Not for a loyal customer with such good credit.

On Monday I called and spoke with a representative who stated that the only options were the ones in the letter.  So, really, why did I call?  The customer service rep did not know who the @AskCiti person was, and actually seemed a little bit unclear on the concept of twitter.  The call did not go well. I remained calm, but continued to ask for clarification on WHY, and what else Citibank was willing to do to keep me as a customer.  The end result?  I closed my account.

Then I tweeted…

@askciti – what cust service did was NOTHING! Screw Citibank – you have lost a customer, and I will tell all my friends and family why.

I must say, things then got a little bit out of hand.  Many of my friends and followers stared asking why…  I told them.  And, as a joke, I hashtagged #badcitibank.  It stuck, and I realized I was actually pretty angry.

I am angry for myself, but more so for all the people out there who were and are seriously affected by the economy.  The situation that was partially created by Citibank!  And, some of my friends have lost houses and hope over “difficult economic conditions”.  So, where does Citi get off?  What about people who cannot afford to pay off their card?  What about people who cannot get another card?  What about people who currently need credit to survive?

I will be the first one to argue that personal responsibility is a large part of the economic mess.  But when respected banks and institutions tell average consumers, who are not as financially savvy as those institutions, that it is ok to sign that mortgage, get that card, and finance their life away, there has to be some corporate responsibility too.  Now, they want us to pay for their gambling spree on housing and derivatives?  Not me.  And not a lot of other people either.

In the last few days, I have hijacked my own twitter account with my feelings about Citibank and their recent APR increase.  Now, I have a home for that…  Stay tuned…